“Diary of an Addict” by Megha Sood

The immeasurable joy cupped in the soft centers of my puny palm and a gentle rush that reached soft corners of your mouth making an arc so irresistible that it broke all the barriers of touch and passion. A passion that simmers under the folds of my skin like the frothy moonlight. The silent glimmer in my eyes and the rush of adrenaline to every single blue vein of mine courses through porous skin and I can feel the wants of its traveling to the far corners of my soul. This was my saving grace once. Now, I cry out loud saying I need this and want that. Giggles and laughter follow me around asking me to let me in. This ambiguity and the dichotomous heart are compounded by the loneliness that gathers around me knowing that this is a grave mistake and a sin disguised as happiness. I look at the bottle of sin, clasped tight with bubbles rising to the surface waiting feverishly to be out, and gulp inside this mouth of mine laced with hunger and urgency. The mind often confuses needs with wants. It took me years longer than my deep sorrows cleaving my soul open and making me stand naked in front of my transgressions. We all know that the body only heals with wounds with a gaping mouth. A mouth with jagged ends built with a succession of desires. A mouth of sin, a mouth of wanting. With a numb mind and a perplexed soul, I sit here alone to figure out why joy has become a dirty word.

Megha Sood is an Award-winning Asian-American poet, editor, author, and literary Activist. Literary Partner with “Life in Quarantine”, at Stanford University. Her widely anthologized poems, essays, and other works talk about her experience as a first-generation immigrant and woman of color.Her selected work is to be sent to the moon in 2024 in collaboration with NASA/SpaceX. Link: https://linktr.ee/meghasood